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DL Has Tart Justice for the Desperate

PeaceOf Mayhem Ask DL Relationship Advice Work Woes

Dear Disco Lemonade,

I've had a cold this week. The other day I brought a large jug of orange juice into work to see me through. Each department has a small fridge to keep drinks and snacks in. When I left that day, the orange juice was still sealed. When I came in the next day, it was 3/4 empty. Noone works in my department overnight. That means someone came into my department, put the juice in a large container (or worse drank straight out of the jug) during the night. 

Should I report this to a manager or turn them in for theft? Please lend me some wisdom.

Your Humble Reader,

Justice for Juice

Dear Justice,

You're too kind! I don't know about wisdom, but I do know unless you have some kind of solid evidence no one is getting punished for drinking your juice. The best way to deal with a juice thief is by teaching them a lesson.

Use the last of the jug (if you still have it) or buy another small container of juice. Open it and set it in a warm place to ferment for a week or two. Then buy a brand new jug of juice (the same kind as before), pull the seal off gently, so it doesn't get ripped. Pour out 1/4-1/2 cup juice. Replace it with the same amount of spoiled juice. Replace the seal and super glue it down. Shake it up and leave it in the fridge just as before.

The joy you feel when you come into a mostly drank jug of juice will make it all worthwhile.

Thanks for making it fun!

Disco Lemonade

Dear Disco Lemonade,

My boyfriend and I have had a romantic trip planned for months. At the last minute, he invited his friend. I'm really hurt and pretty angry. I've been avoiding his calls because I don't think I can talk to him right now. What should I do?


Dating & Desperate

Hello D&D,

The answer is simple (as any self-respecting young woman can tell you). Seduce and have sex with the friend. Back out of the trip, the morning of, and wait 24-48 hours then break up with the boyfriend via text. If you're still angry you can confess the cheating on that last text. He obviously didn't like you enough to be alone with you, and now there is no reason to keep wasting your time.

All the best,


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