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Worried at Work & Really Ready need Bad Advice for the New Year

PeaceOf Mayhem Ask DL Healthy Living Relationship Advice Survival Suggestions

Dear Disco Lemonade,

I feel as though I am getting fat & lazy. What should I do to get started?

Your Biggest Fan,

Really Ready

Happy New Year R. Ready!

Thank you for making me a part of your team! Before you truly begin may I suggest asking around if other people think you are fat & lazy. Chances are this is all in your head. If you do intend to continue...

First, pick a crazy diet that is 30 days or less. Make sure it is something you will have to constantly plan ahead for. Keywords: low fat and/or non-fat.

Second, when making up your exercise routine be sure to choose the most boring and painful things you can. The misery means it is working! Be sure to over do it the first few times so you can let your body know you mean business!

Third, talk to your doctor about getting on the "orange" pills, no the "blue" ones.

Fourth, keep your ego in check by commenting on your lack of progress and using the nickname "Fatty" when referring to yourself. 

I know you can do it and I am positive you will feel fit and motivated just by reading this!

Best of Luck!

D.L.

Dear Disco Lemonade,

What do I do about a co-worker who is slightly stalking me?

Worried at Work

Hello Worried!

This one is tough. Are you sure they are stalking you? Enlist a buddy to watch from afar and see if they can catch the person in the act. If you both conclude that it is for real, take advantage of the situation!

Try out new dance moves or pick up lines on them. Ask their opinion on your outfit or hairstyle. Leave items you no longer want or need in places where they can find them to take them as tokens of your affection! Ask them to do things for you that you don't feel like doing.

Dismiss any real connection between the two of you to other people, while they are there. Be sure to use the phrase "my stalker" when talking about them to others. Give them a copy of your house key just in case you lock yourself out, you know they'll be the fastest person you can call! Who knows, you may even become real friends!

Have a fantastic 2017!

D.L.



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