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Frenzied Flushing Frees Fastest Pee-er in the West

PeaceOf Mayhem What? by EH

What?! by EH

Fun fact: I was knighted by a dear friend at work as "the fastest pee-er in the west". It isn't that my urine stream exits my body any quicker than the next person. The key to speed is my deep seeded fear of toilets.

Yes, of course, the germ-laden ones are especially egregious. I am talking about even the completely sparkling clean, bleached brand new, just hooked up kind also. I realized this when we got new toilets in the ladies room at work recently.

Here is my thought process. It is the whole experience of being vulnerable, half-naked (as a woman there's little choice), and balancing (I am a small person and have been all my life) over water seems like a questionable situation in the best of circumstances. Now let's add some variables like a public bathroom where the door seems locked, but the handle gives way at the first push. Perhaps the outhouse that you can find in any rural setting accompanied by the urban legend told us at camp, of a pervert lurking (gross-so gross) at the bottom. What they are attempting to gain from that experience I will never understand. Finally my personal demon: the industrial-strength suction that seems like it can take you all the way to the sewer. That is my lingering fear from the potty training years. Visions of the tearful past: my mom was standing in the stall by the door impatient and frustrated demanding I flush the toilet, my face just inches above the seat, refusing to comply out of fear of being lost down the toilet.

Get in, get out. That's my motto. I've made my peace with it and just to drive the point home Brandy, and I have hung about putting up stickers to help ease the public restroom trauma!



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